13 March 2010

Redwood hates underwear

If there's one thing everybody agrees on about Redwood, it's that he's about as funny as a boy can be.

If there's one thing nobody knows about Redwood, it's that he hates underwear. The boy goes commando everywhere, it seems. We ALWAYS have to ask whether he has undies on right before he goes out the door for school. And in the past, sometimes, he'd lie to us...so we'd have to check.

Naturally, item #1 to come off when he gets home from school is the underoos. Off the bus, down the block, through the door, to the bedroom, strip down, put on shorts. The kid is a polar bear at heart, wears nothing but a pair of shorts around the house almost without regard to how cold or warm it is.

So early this week, Maple hears singing coming from down the hall right after Redwood gets home from school. She walks quietly down there, peeks around his bedroom door frame, and sees Captain Commando dancing around his room in just his shorts singing, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it huuuuuurrrtts!"

He's mortified at having been caught, and Maple asks him where he learned that song and whether he knows what it means. Naturally from school, and no, he has no idea what sexy means.

Long story short, attempt #1 to explain "sexy" to an eight year old fails. The task then falls to me on my return home from work. So, trying to play it low key, I settle down next to him in the living room as he's playing a computer game and get his attention focused on me.

Me: "Hey Redwood...I heard Mom caught you singing a funny song today after school."
Redwood: "Yup. I was just dancing."
Me: "Yeah, Mom said it was pretty funny. She also said you might need to know what sexy means."
Redwood: "Yeah, she tried to explain it. I still don't really understand."
...

[insert two minutes of trying to explain the meaning of "sexy" in eight year old terms. We finally get to the point where he knows that it means something like "physically desirable" in eight year old language]

...
Me: "So the guy in the song, when he's singing, he's saying he's too sexy, too attractive, too physically desirable to even be constrained by his clothes."

Redwood: "Yeah, that's why I don't wear underwear."